downriver from the kalamazoo prison graveyard


Idolatry of the body (celibate soul), of sex, no real love!

sometimes the lights go out 

Hopeless romanticism is the last vestige of love in the world. for a young man to single himself out as a believer in beauty and love, to earnestly wish for a family, this is genuinely radical. 

love me for a year this week 

and i will love you for every week in the year 

your bourgeois feminism 

won’t save you now 

you’re mine

and don’t you like it 

i wish i was vincent gallo 

he would know what to do 

he would call me a faggot 

beer, wine, coffee, tea, whiskey, milk

honey, bread, meat, fish, fruit, eggs

tobacco, sunlight, 3

these are some of my favorite things

her again

all that’s left to do is all that’s left to do. all of us fall all and all. why are you lighting that cigarette 

I haven’t even told you yet. 

sky heave and render my heart elegant. 

stop looking at me like that i haven’t even told you yet its a 

surprise.

 there are tears in my eyes there are tears sky heave render breath stark suspended 

like a.

 tear in my eye

 hanging so slightly to the left of your pinky finger which is grasping the lighter like it is jesu joyful at

man’s suffering is this moment

sky heave and tear tears from within 

im soaked

put the cigarette out, it is too beautiful with its smoke curling and riddled with raindrops

mascara tracing your cheeks

 in the rain 

sky heave and render me unto jesu joy of man 

and woman 

stop looking at me like that 

i haven’t even told you yet 

that i love you

avant-garde hangover

You run, nude, studded with splinters

Hair that is finespun and sunkissed 

Cascading down the gentle slopes of your shoulders

Secret, cold, and available

A man loves a woman he never touches.

A beauty that has been complicated

And deferred.

Poetic insult in the 

Small hours of the morning. 

attempts at

out-and-out

performative prostration.

Idolatry of the body (celibate soul), of sex, no real love!

For my part, i prefer my heart to be broken 

Its cracks shine in the dawn.

I fill them with gold and carry on.

I would love you more if i sat in a motel room rolling a cigarette 

listening to you piss in the bathroom

No, there is nothing in the whole world that is quite your own

You didn’t do anything unusual (i only wanted you to)

And yet this is you. 

let love in

Sometimes i cant write anything

Only feel what i want to write 

Thinking about what might have been 

What could be 

Trying to bend words and phrases 

Towards making my feelings known to you 

forsaking language altogether

Its shortcomings, its failures 

How could i use something as grotesque as language 

To describe you

Language, which twists and burns and rapes meaning

Language, which falls so far away 

From what my heart wants to say 

My heart wants to let yours know

That it beats in time with it 

And that with every beat of your heart, 

You give me one more second of life

One more second to think about you 

Every time you open your eyes

To meet mine

I see you for the first time

The sweeping curves of your hips

The tenderness in your eyes 

That exists from infant days 

You bosom lulling me into

Quiet submission

Threnos

Suddenly life was there 

Enveloping, warm, bright, the comfort of living and loving filling and riddling my body with pangs of pleasure 

All it took was seeing you 

your smile

Your eyes, full of tenderness that is older than you 

You are mother and infant, nature’s beauty into flesh 

even the passing thought of you and your laugh and body and mind sends me into the throes of devotion, devotional fits of submission and intolerance  

Focusing on the thought of you is dangerous, I will tear myself apart with tears 

Is love something that you can feel?

Love is lower than desire

Desire is the Dionysian and love is the Apollonian 

Every organ in my body screams to know every organ in yours 

I used to delude myself into thinking you felt the same way 

And i know i’ve deluded myself into knowing you feel the same way 

For you must,

Am i only person in the world possessed with this sort of fiendish passion?

You are life to me 

Some say that life is the little things 

I didn’t understand the little things before i met you

Memory and Dream and Encounter

I’ve been thinking about you for awhile 

Days and nights spent in the unrelenting prison of your memory, 

A time when i considered every text you sent scripture

A time when a single thought of you could derail my week 

Well, time is so sweet once it’s been expired 

And unnoticeable when its happening around us 

Time envelops your memory and cradles it, brushing it with cinnamon and coriander 

Cradling you in the acid of adolescence 

Adolescence, which took hold of me

…refused to let me go 

Dooming me to think about 

The slipshod days i spent with you 

 In that halfway house of your father’s, 

we never had each other,

But that would’ve ruined it, right? 

Last night i dreamt of you, 

Have you ever dreamt of someone you loved? 

It doesn’t even feel like your dreaming 

Everything is so real for the first time

I turn over in bed and there you are 

The outline of your back 

Your brown hair cascading around the gentle slope of your shoulders

You turn around and sigh, still asleep

Breathing down your neck, i realize that love reveals itself

It its inequities, in its unfairness

Love only exists in its own unknowability 

If love existed it wouldn’t exist…

I awoke to a text from you 

You were upset at yourself 

For not knowing what love feels like 

How i longed to share my feelings with you 

How i longed to tell you that love is what i feel 

Whenever you so much as cross my mind

But hesitance struck me down as it always has  

And i just answered in an unassuming way 

Laid back in bed, cursing myself out for being so feckless

Is this all im to experience of love? 

Merely the whiff of it? 

Hesitate, deny, obfuscate, destroy, rape, maim, poison, lie, lie, lie, lie,

 anything to avoid that great and primary responsibility of human life

threnody for the victims of michel foucault

Hastily 

Why so hastily 

Friendship, forged in love 

Hastily tossed away 

I feel as though we were never friends 

Waking dreams of a life with you

A life that is more than a little unlikely 

To have you might as well be impossible

But in my day-dream you are with me

Nuzzling your rosy cheeks deeper into my chest

You are, you just simply are!

Woman, how I envy you…

For you ARE and yet i still must BECOME

And I lay there awake, for I would dare not miss seeing you asleep

Asleep you are God 

Your breath warm and steady

Your hair unkempt (you never brush it) 

Your body clinging to mine 

Your soft skin,like an infants

The rise and fall of your bosom 

You always complain about your body to me

Even in our closest moments

mfs read deleuze once and think they a cat (*´艸`*)

I’m empty 

Have you ever felt so empty, so hollowed out, you can no longer remember what was supposed to fit inside you 

Do you understand. Do you. You couldn’t. You’ve never felt like this. Never had to lie about it either. Do you ever look up at the ceiling and see yourself hanging from it? The only thing that gives you any joy is God and art. Both have been forgotten by most of your ‘peers’. Their reflexive intolerance reveals their bottomless ignorance. They hate you because you understand beauty. Really they don’t know. They’ve never cried at the very thought of God’s love. They’ve never watched a movie or read a book that didn’t have a clear cut, corporate, easy to understand and exceedingly acceptable moral message. They think that anything that tries to communicate beauty is fascist. They want you dead and your kids dead and your wife raped and killed. They want you fucking dead and you’re starting to see their point. Why experience the world the way you do? All it brings you is misery, alienation, scorn. You live the way you do because the fleeting moments of beauty that you are allowed to experience fill the hole inside you until you retch. When the realm of the angels bleeds into you you forget everything, you forget everyone else. Anyways this is why i don’t have a girlfriend 

Missed Opportunity

Black hair, sifted through my fingertips

Your dark eyes, meeting mine for the first time

Muscling in green clad love and rocks

Seabirds and saltiness stain our spirits

Which laugh in unison at the 

Absurd, glorious choking and loveliness 

Of life and how well-spent

Bend time in two, fold and rend

Until the sea overtakes your love 

Drowning her and keeping vigil For her 

Disappeared without yourself 

Pain floods my head when I think 

About desire

Not true Desire 

A jeering and impossible echo 

Stealing me away from reality 

From you

My head splits, torn between an imagined past 

An unlikely future

Noise, tear and render 

Fat and tallow bubbling

Underneath the skin

Glistening with blood  

Honey, poisoned with your tears 

Raised wild and bright from the killing fields 

Horses run reckless and riled 

Sent from the depths 

Of the sea inside 

Heart turned to sepulcher 

Mind turned to tomb 

My thoughts doomed to uncertainty 

Within uncertainty 

Within hesitation

The truth lies 

Every twisted word 

Every longing glance

Betrays the Real 

Devotion bound to emotion bound to indifference 

Stomach churning images of lust 

Bloated and razed like my mind 

Acid sex giving way to 

Smooth mind and body 

Knowing transmuted into suffering 

Sublimate my soul for your body 

Lingerie stained with red wine 

Delight in the poetry of life and of love 

Delight in every early morning and late night 

Candlelit vigils to your perfection 

Sufi wine and omelettes served with birdsong

Using stolen words to describe you 

Stealing from greatness to describe you 

Even greatness isn’t able