I’ve been thinking about you for awhile
Days and nights spent in the unrelenting prison of your memory,
A time when i considered every text you sent scripture
A time when a single thought of you could derail my week
Well, time is so sweet once it’s been expired
And unnoticeable when its happening around us
Time envelops your memory and cradles it, brushing it with cinnamon and coriander
Cradling you in the acid of adolescence
Adolescence, which took hold of me
…refused to let me go
Dooming me to think about
The slipshod days i spent with you
In that halfway house of your father’s,
we never had each other,
But that would’ve ruined it, right?
Last night i dreamt of you,
Have you ever dreamt of someone you loved?
It doesn’t even feel like your dreaming
Everything is so real for the first time
I turn over in bed and there you are
The outline of your back
Your brown hair cascading around the gentle slope of your shoulders
You turn around and sigh, still asleep
Breathing down your neck, i realize that love reveals itself
It its inequities, in its unfairness
Love only exists in its own unknowability
If love existed it wouldn’t exist…
I awoke to a text from you
You were upset at yourself
For not knowing what love feels like
How i longed to share my feelings with you
How i longed to tell you that love is what i feel
Whenever you so much as cross my mind
But hesitance struck me down as it always has
And i just answered in an unassuming way
Laid back in bed, cursing myself out for being so feckless
Is this all im to experience of love?
Merely the whiff of it?
Hesitate, deny, obfuscate, destroy, rape, maim, poison, lie, lie, lie, lie,
anything to avoid that great and primary responsibility of human life
